Dumbass owns a smartphone – Experience 1

Dumbass 1: Hello, Excuse me
I turn around to see Dumbass 1 driving a luxury car and flashing his brand new Apple iPhone 6 plus.
Me: Yes!
Dumbass 1: Can you direct me to xyz hotel.
Me: Oh, yes!(I hesitate a bit, I didn’t hear the word “Please” anywhere in his sentence)
Dumbass 1: how should I go (Still “Please” was missing, I was thinking to mock the hell out of this guy)
Me: Oh! you have got iPhone 6 Plus?
Dumbass 1: Yes, I bought it yesterday, it cost me a bomb.
Me: Amazing! What other features does it have? (now cost is also a feature, if its expensive its has niche features, if its low-cost it’s all basic features)
Dumbass 1: (Really excited, or thinking that he got a chance to boast about his knowledge of this amazing device) It has 6 inch display,4G, 8MP camera, 64GB Rom, GPS, bluetooth, NFC, blah…blah….. for few minutes.
Me: Wow! It has 4G! and it works amazing with abc network
Dumbass 1: Yes, I have even got 4G activated from abc network and it works like a breeze, when others struggle with download speed, this beauty does it in a flash.
Me: Hmm (looking quite impressed) so why can’t you use that brick to tell you directions?
Dumbass 1: what? brick? (with a surprised look)
Me: yeah! It’s a brick if you don’t know how to use it. It has GPS, 4G, etc.. but
Dumbass 1: but.. what?
Me: But, it’s not smartphones fault, it’s a great smart phone but its bought by a Dumbass!
Dumbass 1 is greatly humiliated by my words and people walking by and on the street side are laughing at his humiliation, I walk away with an evil smile.

Advertisements

Indian Party renamed as Indo-Italian National Congress!

New Delhi Mar.14 : One of India’s political party Indian National Cons have decided to rename their party, to Indo-Italian National Congress and they have chosen an Election Symbol which looks like a foot.

Indian National Congress

Our correspondent Jootha Singham spoke to the party leader,  Salman Besharam Kurshiwala earlier today and this is what he had to say

Continue reading

Shitty Politics!!!!

The word politics meant “The art or science of governing an entity (nation, state,etc and its people) by bringing right policies for the greater good of the entity”, but in the modern world the word has got a completely different meaning, not its understood as “The art or science of deceiving and corrupting the entity for the greater good of the self”.

Many people have different views to word politics but the most prominent notion or understanding is completely drawn to the negative side. Here is some extracts from what a common person thinks

1. Dark diplomacy in chaotic crowd

2. Putting dumb people to rule over smart ones

3. Lies lies lies and more lies all to “protect the people”. (People stands for self and near and dear-ones)

4. Hippocratic behavior of an individual

5. Many Blood-Sucking Parasites (Poli – Tics)

Politics

6. Madmen ruling the Mango-men of the banana republic. (Politicians ruling the Aam Aadmi of India) (Aam has two meanings “Common and Mango”)

7. If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes Truth Politics

Politics

All these meanings or understanding of people is true to a great extent.But this Internet stuff explains it accurately:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

Look out for more shitty stuff that roles out from the mouth of politicians around the globe!!!!!

Indian Olympics Team for 2016

London 2012 Olympics is over, India is placed at a disappointing 55th place with 6 medals (2-Silver, 4-Bronze) . Its odd to see World No. 2 in population to be placed so low on this coveted list of medal winners.

So I am preparing a list of individuals who should compete in the next Olympics, who will surely win medals for India.

1. Sharukh Khan: Athletic Events, such as 100 mts, 200 mts, 400 mts, 800 mts, etc. Anyone who had seen Ra.One and his athleticism in the train scene would agree with me.

Bhag SRK Bhag

2. Aamir Khan: Diving Events require high amount precision and Aamir khan fits the bill with his perfectionist style and we would be sure that he would score 10/10 in this precision based events.

3. Salman Khan: With power packed punches, he is the best bet in boxing, one punch is enough for a knock out win.

Packing a punch!!

4. Ajay Devgan (Devgn, Dvgan, so confused with his name): He can act well as a pehalwan, let him show the world that he can “Win gold wearing only Langot”

5. Akshay Kumar: Khiladi of Bollywood could use his martial arts knowledge in Judo & Taekwondo.

Kick some ass

6. Hrithik Roshan: Well well this Greek God could be a wonder in the pool, fingers crossed that he will beat Phelps record.

7. John Abraham: We can send him for weightlifting, any one remember his bike stunt in movie Force (it was pathetic, i have seen a man doing that don’t believe me here is the proof).

What say guys??

8. Ranbir Kapoor: After seeing him riding cycles in trailers of Barfi, we can surely send him to cycling competitions.

9. Abhishek Bachchan: Shooting, I hope this Dhoom actor will hit the bulls eye each time otherwise medals hopes would be doomed.

Aim at Bulls eye

10. Saif Ali Khan: Being a nawab he should have grown up around the Stud farms, we can send him for equestrian events, atleast he could be useful here.

11. Shahid Kapoor,  Sharman Joshi , Vivek Oberoi & Imran Khan: Gymnastics is the best thing for these lot, with charming faces they might be able to do wonders.

12. Sunjay Dutt & Sunny Deol: Could be the men required in the ring for India.

13. Tushar Kapoor & Reitesh Deshmukh: Super Cool guys can participate in Beach Volley ball, with only one condition they will never try to repeat a Dostana scene.

Coming over to Women’s event it becomes very very difficult to choose, as all of them are concentrating on beach volleyball.

How could I forget this legend’s name in this list, Rajnikant, Organizers of 2016 Olympics would handover all the Gold medals to him and India will be the “Number One” on the medals list.

 

Whats say you people???????

Permanent Job Opening : Mom / Dad

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs money.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
Definitely, one could suffix  “Grand” to mom or dad say after 25 years (but some are lucky enough to get it within 15 years)
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGE S AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do… or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

AND A FOOTNOTE “THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!!